The Proverbs 31 Wife

Catholic Womanhood

Who shall find a valiant woman? far and from the uttermost coasts is the price of her. [Proverbs 31:10]

Biblical womanhood has been covered by many Christian writers, and there are many books and blogs on the Proverbs 31¹ wife as the ideal Biblical woman. So, why another post about Biblical womanhood? Well, I was very attracted to the idea of Biblical womanhood when I was growing up, but I never found anything from a Catholic perspective. (Perhaps, such writings exists but I have not found them.) So, these posts will consists of my notes on what I have gathered through my readings and meditations, on the lives of Catholic women. Since, the Bible is the Catholic Book, it makes sense to see how a Catholic woman can become a Biblical woman.

For many Christian women and especially newly married Christian women, the idea of being the Proverbs 31 wife is very attractive. I, myself, purchased many books, on marriage and being a Christian wife, (during the first few years of my marriage). I wanted to get things right, early on. Much of the advice was practical and good, yet, I felt like something was missing. I followed the rhetoric about the Proverbs 31 wife; She had to be a loving wife, a humble woman, a prayerful (bible reading) spouse, who brought down the blessings of God on her husband and home, etc.. I tried following the advice in these books; however, this was advice for any wife, in general. I already knew much of it and could have gotten it, for free, from anyone.

What was missing?

One thing missing, in all these writings: there was never a single person presented as a model for the reader, to imitate. The Proverbs 31 wife seemed like a strange mythical sort of creature whose characteristics didn’t fit into any one woman. This was odd, considering that the book of Proverbs opens with the statement: “The words of king Lamuel. The vision wherewith his mother instructed him.” [Proverbs 31:1]. This is the advice of King Solomon’s mother, to find himself a good wife. Thus, there should be at least a few women who meet some, if not all, of the characteristics, which Bathsheba describes to her son. Who are these women, and can we Christian wives become like them?

The Proverbs 31 wife exists

The Proverbs 31 wife is in fact a real person and with the grace of God, we ordinary women can imitate her. The good news is that there have been many women, who have followed in the footsteps of this woman.

The first characteristic describing this Proverbs woman, is her courage, “Who shall find a valiant woman?” It seems surprising that Bathsheba, (inspired by the Holy Spirit), advices her son to find a valiant woman. King Solomon had soldiers and armies to defend him. He himself was a wise king, who had fought wisely against his enemies; why would he need bravery from his wife? Yet, Solomon, in all his wisdom, married around 700 women and had around 300 concubines, however, we don’t know if he had a wife that fit Bathsheba’s advice. So, we must look elsewhere in the Bible for such a valiant woman.

Perhaps, the words of Scripture are not simply describing a wife for Solomon, son of David. Rather, the Holy Spirit was describing his own Immaculate Spouse, the one who would accompany the true Son of David, the Messiah, during His earthly ministry.

This Woman, who is fore-mentioned in Genesis 3:15² has a very important office laid on her shoulders, she would “crush the head of the serpent”, she was made for spiritual combat. One of Fr. John Corapi’s famous sayings about Our Lady was, Your mama wears combat boots!"

In the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin³, the Church using the words, of King Solomon, addresses them to the Blessed Virgin, “Who is she that cometh forth as the morning rising, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, terrible as an army set in array?” [Canticles (Solomon) 6:9]

The Valiant Virgin

While Scripture tells us that the apostles fled, at the crucifixion; Our Lady stood at the foot of the cross, she remained with her Son, in His most difficult hour.

For a moment, imagine the following scene: from the dawn of Good Friday, this mother has seen her Son paraded back and forth from Herod to Pilate. He is bound and mocked, as a fool. To placate the crowd, He is scourged and crowned with thorns. He is then loaded with a cross, on which He will die. The Sun goes dark for three hours as He hangs on the cross, the people around keep taunting her Son as He suffers and dies. Then, to confirm His death a soldier pierces His heart. Through all of this, Our Lady, didn’t faint, nor flee, she stood like a pillar - Stabat Mater⁴. This is the valiant woman and she shows us how to stay and fight. How to be strong, when the whole world is collapsing. She is the key to being a Biblical woman.

St. Bernard, speaks of the courage of our Lady, calling her a martyr, because she died with Christ in spirit, and even in her most bitter sorrow, she never lost her Faith nor her Charity. (please see the footnotes⁵.)

All women can draw strength, from her, whom the Bible calls “Full of Grace” and “Blessed among women”. When we, face life’s challenges, we can look at her, who didn’t fall prey to self pity and doubt. Her weapon is prayer built on trust; “blessed are they that have not seen, and have believed.” [John 20:29] Like the apostles, she had seen Christ die, but she believed in what she had not yet seen - His Resurrection. We too, can imitate this Faith, because through her example, God has shown what He wants to do with such unshakeable Faith. How wonderful would it be, amidst all our trials, to hear these words, “O woman, great is thy faith: be it done to thee as thou wilt…”[Matthew 15:28] Have unshakable Faith like the Mother of God, and if you don’t, ask her to pray for you, for that Faith.

Cultivate a Faith like the Blessed Virgin

Even before we face trials, we need to cultivate a Faith like the Blessed Virgin. We just need to ask her help; she has shown in her countless apparitions that she wants to give us many graces, (that shine like rays of light, through her hands,) but very few asks her for them.

She, is like an army, her arsenal is loaded and powerful - the Holy Rosary, the Scapular, Miraculous Medal, First Saturday devotions, miraculous images, novenas, litanies, joyful and sorrowful chaplets, etc.. It may seem too simple to say that prayer is the answer to all our problems; and to becoming Biblical women. This is because we are so used to the worldly idea that we have to do things ourselves. Yet, in reality, we can do nothing of ourselves, God has to send us His help.

We can adopt the attitude of Christ, “I cannot of myself do any thing. As I hear, so I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not my own will, but the will of him that sent me.” [John 5:30]. We can learn God’s will from Our Lady, of whom Christ says, “blessed are they who hear the word of God, and keep it.” [Luke 11:28] We can start by imitating the Christ Child, who obeyed her. “And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject to them.” However, one may say, “I am not a child, why should I obey Mary?” Christ says, “Amen I say to you, unless you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.” [Matthew 18:3] Build a devotion to Our Lady, become her child and watch as she teaches you to become a disciple of Christ - a truly Biblical woman.

When I was in school, the nuns would often tell us to go to Jesus, through Mary. Our Lady always leads us to Christ and takes our petitions to Him, even before we ask for help. She notices our weaknesses, our necessities symbolized by the lack of wine, and says, to her Son, “They have no wine.” [John 2:3]

Her advice, to us is always, “Whatsoever he shall say to you, do ye.” [John 2:5]

Why take Mary as our Queen and Role Model?

The valiance of this Woman begins much before the Passion of Christ; it begins at the Incarnation. She is at first startled to see an angel, in the form of a man, addressing her. However, as soon as the angel Gabriel introduces himself, she is not afraid, she even speaks to him. Can any of you women think or imagine speaking to an angel? Consider his stature, then consider, that you are only 14 or 15 years old, what would be your reaction? Now ponder over Mary’s response.

Next, consider what she asks the angel. Her questions to the angel are not frivolous, neither are they childish. She asks how God’s Will is to be accomplished, so that she would cooperate with His Will. Once, she is clear about God’s Will, there is no hesitation on her part, no fear, no doubt. She gives her consent immediately, there is no turning back to seek her parent’s approval. In doing so, she is truly valiant. Can you imagine being a young woman, with child, before your approaching wedding? How would you explain the facts to your parents and fiancé? Yet, Our Lady doesn’t say a word in her defense; it is for God to defend her honor, and so the angel Gabriel visits St. Joseph to tell him to take Mary as his wife, explaining that the child to be born is of God.

Mary is no ordinary girl of 14. By her trust in God, a trust above that of Abraham, she shows true courage. While Abraham believed that God could give him a son, in his old age; he had nothing to lose, in trusting God. The Blessed Virgin, on the other hand, trusted that not only was she to be a mother, (while remaining a virgin,) but in doing so, she put her life on the line. She knew the consequences of her “Fiat” to God. She could be misunderstood by her own family, in fact, St. Joseph, finding out about her pregnancy, wanted to divorce her, because he was a just man. Her “yes,” to God, could cost her to be stoned, as a sinner woman, however, she trusted God and thought nothing of herself, she would always remain “the handmaid of the Lord,”⁶

Mary’s trust was a very great thing, therefore, St. Elizabeth, inspired by the Holy Spirit says of Mary, “And blessed art thou that hast believed, because those things shall be accomplished that were spoken to thee by the Lord.” [Luke 1:45].

We tend to overlook her Faith because of our familiarity with Scripture. We need to stop and ponder, her Faith. We need to learn from her, how to read Scripture and keep these things in our hearts. For it is through this very Scripture that we desire to become Biblical women; disciples pleasing to God. Therefore, the first thing, we can do is ask Our Lady, to be our Mother and Patroness. Ask her to take us under her wing and teach us how to be valiant like her.

We need such valiant Faith to face the trials of life — sickness, death, uncertainties, disobediences, discouragements, and all that life throws at us. Fr. Ripperger, a well-known Catholic exorcist, says that we should have recourse to Our Lady, under the title of Our Lady of Sorrows; she can reveal to us how to overcome our problems, to find our own hidden faults, to discover to us ways to solve life’s biggest challenges. He says this quoting what Scripture speaks of her, in the words of Simeon, “And thy own soul a sword shall pierce, that, out of many hearts, thoughts may be revealed.” [Luke 2:35]. We can understand that it is through her sorrows that she conquered ever trial. Her sorrows are all linked to Christ’s Passion. Thus, they have immense value, because their source is Christ.

In conclusion, we can say that in order to become truly Biblical women, we must have recourse to the Our Lady. We are in a spiritual battle and we need valiant Faith like hers, because as Scripture says, “And the dragon was angry against the woman: and went to make war with the rest of her seed, who keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.” [Apocalypse (Revelation) 12:17]. The life of a Christian woman is going to be difficult. However, in response to our difficulties and challenges, and temptations from the enemy, we can cry out with trust saying of the Holy Virgin, who is with us, in this battle:

References:

Who shall find a valiant woman? far and from the uttermost coasts is the price of her. The heart of her husband trusteth in her, and he shall have no need of spoils. She will render him good, and not evil, all the days of her life. She hath sought wool and flax, and hath wrought by the counsel of her hands. She is like the merchant's ship, she bringeth her bread from afar. And she hath risen in the night, and given a prey to her household, and victuals to her maidens.

She hath considered a field, and bought it: with the fruit of her hands she hath planted a vineyard. She hath girded her loins with strength, and hath strengthened her arm. She hath tasted and seen that her traffic is good: her lamp shall not be put out in the night. She hath put out her hand to strong things, and her fingers have taken hold of the spindle. She hath opened her hand to the needy, and stretched out her hands to the poor.

She shall not fear for her house in the cold of snow: for all her domestics are clothed with double garments. She hath made for herself clothing of tapestry: fine linen, and purple is her covering. Her husband is honourable in the gates, when he sitteth among the senators of the land. She made fine linen, and sold it, and delivered a girdle to the Chanaanite. Strength and beauty are her clothing, and she shall laugh in the latter day.

She hath opened her mouth to wisdom, and the law of clemency is on her tongue. She hath looked well to the paths of her house, and hath not eaten her bread idle. Her children rose up, and called her blessed: her husband, and he praised her. Many daughters have gathered together riches: thou hast surpassed them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: the woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands: and let her works praise her in the gates.  [Proverbs 31:10-31]

1.

2. I will put enmities between thee and the woman, and thy seed and her seed: she shall crush thy head, and thou shalt lie in wait for her heel. [Genesis 3:15]

3. The Little Office of Our Lady, available with Angelus Press.

4. Stabat Mater

At the cross her station keeping, 
Stood the mournful Mother weeping,
Close to Jesus to the last. 

Through her heart, His sorrow sharing, 
All His bitter anguish bearing, 
Now at length the sword had passed. 

Oh, how sad and sore distressed 
Was that Mother highly blest, 
Of the sole begotten One! 

Christ above in torment hangs. 
She beneath beholds the pangs 
Of her dying glorious Son. 

Is there one who would not weep,
Whelmed in miseries so deep, 
Christ's dear Mother to behold? 

Can the human heart refrain 
From partaking in her pain, 
In that Mother's pain untold? 

Bruised, derided, cursed, defiled, 
She beheld her tender Child,
All with bloody scourges rent. 

For the sins of His own nation, 
Saw Him hang in desolation 
Till His spirit forth He sent. 

O thou Mother: fount of love! 
Touch my spirit from above, 
Make my heart with thine accord. 

Make me feel as thou hast felt; 
Make my soul to glow and melt
With the love of Christ my Lord.

Holy Mother, pierce me through; 
In my heart each wound renew 
Of my Savior crucified. 

Let me share with thee His pain, 
Who for all my sins was slain, 
Who for me in torment died. 

Let me mingle tears with thee, 
Mourning Him who mourned for me, 
All the days that I may live. 

By the Cross with thee to stay; 
There with thee to weep and pray, 
Is all I ask of thee to give. 

Virgin of all virgins best, 
Listen to my fond request:
Let me share thy grief divine.

Let me to my latest breath, 
In my body bear the death 
Of that dying Son of thine. 

Wounded with His every wound, 
Steep my soul till it hath swooned 
In His very blood away.

Be to me, O Virgin, nigh, 
Lest in flames I burn and die,
In His awful Judgment day. 

Christ, when Thou shalt call me hence, 
Be Thy Mother my defense, 
Be Thy Cross my victory.

While my body here decays, 
May my soul Thy goodness praise, 
Safe in Paradise with Thee. Amen.

5. From a sermon by St. Bernard, Abbott
(Sermo in dom. infra oct. Assumptionis, 14-15: Opera omnia, Edit. Cisterc. 5 [1968}, 273-274)

His mother stood by the cross

The martyrdom of the Virgin is set forth both in the prophecy of Simeon and in the actual story of our Lord's passion. The holy man said of the infant Jesus: He has been established as a sign which will be contradicted. He went on to say to Mary: And your own heart will be pierced by a sword."

Truly, O blessed Mother, a sword has pierced your heart. For only by passing through your heart could the sword enter the flesh of your Son. Indeed, after your Jesus--who belongs to everyone, but is especially yours--gave up his life, the cruel spear, which was not withheld from his lifeless body, tore upon his side. Clearly it did not touch his soul and could not harm him, but it did pierce your heart. For surely his soul was no longer there, but yours could not be torn away. Thus the violence of sorrow has cut through your heart, and we rightly call you more than martyr, since the effect of compassion in you has gone beyond the endurance of physical suffering.

Or were those words:"Woman, behold your son, not more than a sword to you, truly piercing your heart, cutting through to the division between soul and spirit? What an exchange! John is given to you in place of Jesus, the servant in place of the Lord, the Son of Zebedee replaces the Son of God, a mere man replaces God himself. How could these words not pierce your most loving heart, when the mere remembrance of them breaks ours, hearts of stone and iron though they are!

From a sermon by St. Bernard, Abbott
(Sermo in dom. infra oct. Assumptionis, 14-15: Opera omnia, Edit. Cisterc. 5 [1968}, 273-274)

A martyr in spirit

Do not be surprised, brothers, that Mary is said to be a martyr in spirit. Let him be surprised who does not remember the words of Paul, that one of the greatest crimes of the Gentiles was that they were without love. That was far from the heart of Mary; let it be far from her servants.

Perhaps someone will say: "Had she not known before that he would not die?" Undoubtedly. "Did she not expect him to rise again at once?" Surely. "And still she grieved over her crucified Son?" Intensely. Who are you and what is the source of your wisdom that you are more surprised at the compassion of Mary than at the passion of Mary's Son? For if he could die in body, could she not die with him in spirit? He died in body through a love greater than anyone had known. She died in spirit through a love unlike any other since his.

Who are you and what is the source of your wisdom that you are more surprised at the compassion of Mary than at the passion of Mary's Son? For if he could die in body, could she not die with him in spirit? He dies in body through a love greater than anyone had known. She died in spirit through a love unlike any other since his.

6. And Mary said: Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it done to me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her  [Luke 1:38]